Our favorite fitness guru, Ashley DePaulis, is Vela's guest blogger. You can learn more about Ashley and her company, Ash Fitness, at http://dailypowerfit.blogspot.com/.
From here on out let's all start abiding by the #One rule. What's #One you ask... well for one, I'm UBsessed with hashtags, and two, I've decided that all "busy people" need to "unbusy" themselves by taking a step back and placing their needs as #One. I can't tell you how many times I hear people say, "I should do that but I'm too busy," "I don't have time to – insert eat, exercise, go to the bathroom” – I’ve heard it all. Personally I do my best (it's a practice and I mess up) to not even use the word "busy" because I find that people highly regard it as a sign of success. In my opinion busy equates to being UN-focused, UN-productive, IN-efficient and UN-happy. When I feel busy, I also feel anxious and it's not a feeling I strive for, ever. For purposes of this post, you're not too busy, please don't forget this – and read on.
Saying YES Because You Can’t Say No
Are you #ONE or do you place your needs dead last? If you can’t find time to use the restroom, then yes, you do not value yourself. To make this concept a little more concrete, let's start with a simple scenario. Someone asks you a favor and helping them out will push your limits (we like to think we don’t have them but we do). You “think” you can make it happen and feel bad about saying no because what will this person think - or what will you think about yourself for saying no? Have you ever noticed that putting yourself and your
needs/wants first is often synonymous with being selfish - maybe not in theory but in your mind?
It just so happens that my inspiration for writing this post came from an eye-opening book I’ve been reading in REAL Life Book Club called, The Power of Receiving, by Amanda Owen. This book promotes and values receiving as much as giving and is for anyone who does too much, loves too much or multitasks to exhaustion. Do you or someone you know:
* Ignore real emotions and put on a happy face to appear perfect
* Fill the desires of others at the expense of your/their own
* Push beyond reasonable limits
* Deflect compliments
* Avoid time alone an turn to unhealthy substances, food or other activities as a way to "let go or escape" to meet needs
* Try to do it all alone and never ask for help
* Feel resentful or angry
Hiding Behind Your Mask of Togetherness
The reason I want you to stop lying to yourself… being busy is a way of opting out, right? It says, “I’m working hard and doing my part and on my way to greatness.” HOWEVER, you’re creating a wall to keep others out without consciously realizing it. There’s no time to be open to anything or anyone new. Being busy is a way to numb uncomfortable emotions – vulnerability or whatever makes you feel crappy – and avoid disappointing yourself or someone else. Asking for help invites risk of rejection – but who says we’re supposed to get everything we ask for?
“When we push away or do not receive willingly, people notice! A lack of acceptance and acknowledgement sends the message loud and clear that we don’t want to be given to. And life cooperates by being less giving.” – Power of Receiving
Is Your Superpower Getting In The Way?
According to Amanda, "In our culture, women have been socialized to pay attention to other people's needs. This makes us vulnerable to overextending, overcompensating and leaves completely exhausted and feeling unappreciated. It's as if our superpower is so super that it runs away with us - leaving us with unmet needs and desires."
How to Embrace Being #One and a #HotMess
Take control by shifting your perspective and building your receive muscles. Definition of receive: “to accept willingly.” I’m learning to receive and embrace everything – the good, bad and ugly. The power is in our hands so be honest with yourself and others. I can only provide a few nuggets of Amanda's wisdom in this post and below are a few that really struck me - WHOA!!!!
Are you busy trying to control every outcome?
"When we are not adept receivers, we try to control everything through our own efforts. Not only is this counterproductive but such a strategy also does not take anything else or anybody's desires into account."
Do you believe that if you accept help you’ll owe the person? Are you always keeping score?
"An experienced Receiver does not fear being indebted to a Giver because the gate of giving and receiving swings both ways - receiving sometimes and giving at other times. It is only when you don't have practice at both that it is easy to be confused about what your needs and rights are."
Do you ignore and suppress emotions?
“Can you imagine being praised for expressing feelings of weakness, vulnerability, jealousy, hate? Emotions need acknowledgement – to be received. We pay a high price when we ignore or suppress them.”
Fellow Travelers and Kindred Spirits
Do you find it easier to relate to someone who has it totally “together” or someone who reveals themselves as human? To truly connect with others you have to reveal yourself – be authentic rather than give an impression of someone you think you should be. Over the course of this book I’ve become “less busy” and empowered to create space to for “me” and some days that looks different than others. Flexibility is key! I’ve also been more honest about what I can and cannot take on in a given day. I’m not sure how long it will take to build my receiving muscles and master self-care, however I can say it has been fun practicing. It was also interesting to learn I’ve been practicing these skills in my interactions and relationships well before reading this book, yet this book provides eureka moments explaining why I experienced certain feelings or an intuition about particular situations. But guilty as charged… in preparing this post, I told Kelly I’ve been busy.
Want to know more….
If REAL Life Book Club sounds cool to you, ask me how to get involved.
Also, I’m hosting ANTI-5 on November 11th (time TBD but will be recorded if you can’t make it live) - a FREE online training sharing tips & tricks for preventing holiday weight gain and why it’s so important! Please message me for details: firstname.lastname@example.org
Ashley is the owner of ASH Fitness and a Fitness Strategist who helps develop fitness solutions for active people eager to ignite their inner athlete following an injury, health challenge or health transition. You can learn more at http://dailypowerfit.blogspot.com/.
There are times in life we become separated from our Inner Athlete – we get sick; we get hurt; we have a baby; we get overwhelmed and stressed (and depressed) and we figure that fitness and nutrition are not something we can afford to care about. Yet in truth, we never stop missing that feeling of energy, aliveness, and strength that are hallmarks of our Inner Athlete.
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